MPR Everywhere Contest – Funniest Entries

Ranging from stories on the high seas to getting lost in a blizzard in Alaska, there were plenty of humorous entries into the MPR Everywhere Contest. Take a look at the best our users had to offer.

The best story I can recall regarding an exotic use of my MPR was during residency training. Although copies are issued monthly a tattered copy of November 2008 resided in my right lab coat pocket. Pen marks, notations, even a wad of gum between the back cover and last page (quickly stashed there prior to meeting with a patients family) gave my trusty MPR character!

After a particularly busy night admitting a seemingly endless supply of patients from the emergency room the lights went out unexpectedly. When the back-up generators kicked on a few seconds later they reset the keypad locks on the doors between the ER and elevators to the main hospital. This required a security guard with a large set of keys and a short temper to come unlock the doors manually for each patient being admitted. Quite a bottleneck developed and it slowed down the Emergency Department significantly.

As I escorted a nurse and patient upstairs the orderly behind me yelled “Hey Doc… hold the door!”. In a rush I jammed my MPR between the door and electronic lock. By the time I made it back downstairs a few hours later my MPR was torn, battered and barely recognizable yet it kept the ER from being backed up and no doubt saved a life or two. Keep up the good work MPR!

All the best!
David M. Boyd, MD
Family Practice Specialists of Richmond

The lake was angry that day, my friend. The wind and white caps beckoned to this sailor like the irresistible song of Sirens. But you’re on-call for the hospital the whole Memorial Day weekend, she reminded as I readied the sloop and rounded up my crew. With an acknowledging glance and a smile, I dropped my pager and trusty iphone into the dry-bag and shoved off. The sun shone brightly and a strong, steady wind filled the sails propelling the Highlander forward. Hike out some more, lean into it I reminded my crew as we struggled to level the boat. We got her to plane, skipping and skimming over the ever-growing waves when all of a sudden …..deet deet deet deet deet. Arrgghh captain, your pager! (For some reason, we talk like pirates while sailing the Highlander). I jammed the main sheet into its cleat and held the tiller under one arm while I dialed the number. Struggling to hear over the splashing water and billowing sail I understood the caller. Serious infection, resistance, allergies, need ID approval for Tigecycline. But what dose? Hold on, I stalled while I pulled up MPR on the iphone. I thank goodness I had heeded one of those emails and downloaded the app. As I relayed the information to the caller, my crew suddenly seemed excited. ARRGH captain, Land Ho- we are about to run aground! As I dropped the iphone into the dry-bag, I heard the caller add –“so sorry you have to be in the hospital on such a nice day”. Gybe HO I yelled just as the centerboard began to scrape bottom, and I pulled hard on the tiller. The boat swung away from the wind, driving the the boom across and almost into the water on the opposite side. As my crew scrambled for the higher side of the boat and trimmed the jib, we raced away from shore. Nice day indeed- thanks to the MPR app I thought.

Photo of the Gybe snapped by worried onlookers on shore, available on request.

Dr. Steven Fine

I used to read my father’s MPR’s at night when I was younger. Me and my brothers would play games to see who could look stuff up faster. I know, we were total dorks.

Mark Choquette Jr. PA-C
Physician Assistant

I was hiking in Alaska and became lost in a blizzard. Having lost my way and trapped in a mountain pass for days, I consumed all my supplies. All that was left in my pack was an old copy of MPR. I began eating the pages one by one. I found the hypertension section very nutritional and the cholesterol medication section was particularly tasty. This enabled me to survive until I was found by a beautiful Indian girl, we were later married and started our family. Had it not been for the MPR I would be just another bump in the snow. I hope this story is entertaining.

John Jordan